Stop waiting to do the small, special things
Like making yourself one single chocolate chip cookie
I got an email a few days ago from someone that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. Actually, I usually get a lot of emails and DMs with questions about love and dating (and cooking), but they seem to have ticked up in recent weeks since I wrote that you all should disregard everything I’ve ever written about love. (Funny how that happens.) And before I dive into this week’s newsletter, I just want to remind you all that I have a place where you can ask me advice on love, dating, cooking, whatever—it’s right here. I’m actually going to start answering them in future newsletters, so please send me your queries and I’ll get to answering.
Anyway, back to this specific email. In my newsletter two weeks ago, I wrote that you should do the things you want to do and stop worrying about how love will come to you. The reader asked how to do this:
“I have a hard time not focusing on being single. It seems like the majority of things that I do are in order to find love. I even go out on nights I don’t want to in case I might meet a person at a bar. I feel like I’m spending so much time focusing on finding someone that I’m ignoring the things I want to do and my friends.”
Now I know how difficult this can be, because I was guilty of doing this in the past, too. Hell, I’d even take 15 minutes to do my makeup just to run out to the store for a few ingredients on the off chance that I’d bump into the love of my life in the canned goods aisle.
What really started to change for me was when I stopped waiting for other people to do special things for me and started doing them for myself. In other words? I started treating myself with the love that I wanted another person to treat me with. I had initially started doing this as a way to send a little love into the universe in the hope that it would eventually come back to me. But the exercise actually proved to be even more beneficial than that.
By filling my days with love toward myself, it made me more tuned in to the amount of love that already existed in my life. I realized how special my friendships were, how lucky I was to have the relationship with my family that I do, and how much I really, really loved my own company. I started to look forward to the little, loving things I’d do for myself, like treating myself to a flakey croissant on my morning walks, or spending a little extra on the good bottle of wine.
One day I woke up and realized that I had plenty of love in my life, and it was there because I created it. That opened me up to the realization that having a partner wasn’t going to address a lack of love. Instead, it was going to add to the abundance of love that I already had. The cherry on the sundae, if you will.
So that is my prescription to you. Start treating yourself with the love that you want someone else to treat you with. And don’t stop once that person comes into your life. It’s important to maintain that energy all through your life, I think. Ben was away this week, and I spent a lot of time focusing on my first love: Me. I went out for a sauna session and cheeseburgers with Hannah. I bought myself a bottle of wine and sat in bed drinking it while binging Everything I Know About Love. I took two hits of a joint and went for a long, meandering walk through Brooklyn, admiring the leaves as they changed.
I also made myself a batch of my grandmother’s chocolate chip cookies, but using a little technique I developed when I was single. (You’re going to love this.) Instead of baking all of the cookies at once, I actually roll the dough into balls, put them on a cookie sheet, and freeze them overnight. Once they’re frozen, I pop ‘em off the sheet, and put the frozen balls in a plastic bag in the freezer. Then, whenever I want one single cookie, I preheat the oven, take out a ball, and bake it. Voila! Instant cookie for one.
These are the kinds of special things you need to start doing for yourself. I promise that once you do, you’ll find that your energy shifts drastically. Start prioritizing yourself and the love you give you over the love you want from others. You’ll be shocked to realize how much love you have in your life after all.
Here’s What’s Cooking
Chocolate Chip Cookies (For One or For Many)
INGREDIENTS
2 1/4 cups all purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 stick butter-flavored Crisco
3/4 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla
2 eggs
1 package chocolate chip cookies (semi-sweet or dark chocolate is best)
1 cup chopped walnuts (optional but HIGHLY encouraged if you don’t have an allergy)
flakey sea salt, for topping (optional)
INSTRUCTIONS
Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Sift together flour, baking powder, and salt in a bowl. Set aside
Beat Crisco, sugar, brown sugar, and vanilla together. Add eggs, one at a time, until well-combined. Beat well.
Gradually add flour, waiting until each batch is mixed in until adding the next bit. Beat well.
Using a wooden spoon, stir in chips and nuts.
Drop cookies onto a sheet using a small spoon to measure out. Make sure they’re evenly spaced, as they’ll spread when baking. (If freezing, see notes.) Top with a sprinkle of flakey salt, if using.
Bake for 9-11 minutes until the bottom is golden brown. Let sit for a few minutes before eating.
NOTES
If freezing, still drop the cookies onto a cookie sheet, but you don’t have to worry about them being evenly spaced. So long as they aren’t touching, you’ll be good. Place the entire sheet in your freezer and freeze until solid. It takes at least two hours, but I like to leave them in there overnight. Once solid, remove them from the sheet and drop them into a reusable plastic bag. (They won’t freeze together since they’re already frozen.)
When you’re ready to bake, bake them at the same temperature above, but for closer to 15-20 minutes to account for the freezing.
Yes, 100% spot on with this!