Without really trying to plan it this way, all of the recipes that I’ve made this month have been comforting: pastina for sick days, sausage and peppers for some cozy warmth, and now this leek and potato soup, that is so good. I made it this past weekend while Ben sat in his office putting the final touches on our wedding invitations. (Speaking of, if you’re dying to hear my panic commentary on my wedding planning, by the way, you can subscribe to the Betches Brides newsletter, which I’ll be writing up until we get married.)
As my recipes have skewed more toward comfort, so have my thoughts. Everyone told me that when I hit my 30s, things would become more manageable, more pleasant. More comfortable. I was assured that I’d no longer care what people think about you. But at 33, I am here to tell you that that’s only partially true. I still find myself sometimes second-guessing myself, wondering if people are rolling their eyes at something I’ve written here, or wondering if my Gen-Z coworkers are constantly thinking something I’ve said is cheugy.
Look, it’s definitely less acute as it was when I was an awkward, gangly teenager who dropped a love note on her crush’s desk and was immediately teased for it. It’s not as bad as one of the many past embarrassing scenes that play through my head just as I’m falling asleep, sending me into a full-body cringe. But I was really hopeful that by the time I phased out of my parent’s health insurance, found a man I wanted to marry, and started wearing sneakers on a night out that I’d be feeling a little more sure of myself. A little more comfortable. But it does persist.
So I’ve been trying to work against the insecurity by finding ways to be more comfortable with myself. I’ve been dressing for myself more. I’ve turned off likes on my social media posts. I’ve stopped checking the subscriber count of this newsletter. I’ve tried to remind myself that nobody is going to care if every single one of these recipes is from my grandmother’s hand. (Although this one this week is, and I’ve got to say it’s one of her best.)
My father always loves to say that if you knew how little people were thinking of you, you’d be offended. And I’m trying to keep that important nugget of advice top-of-mind whenever I feel myself heading toward a spiral. It’s definitely helped, but I know that this is probably something I’m going to need to work on for a while. Everyone has got something. This is my something.
And when I can’t find that comfort in my interior life, I can always whip something up outside of my mind. Luckily, this leek and potato soup is a pretty good stand-in…at least when it comes to comfort.
INGREDIENTS
2-3 leeks, depending on their size, sliced and well-cleaned
1 small onion, diced
4-5 potatoes, peeled and cut into
2 Tbsp butter
2 Tbsp curry powder
4 cups water
3 cups chicken broth
1/2 cup heavy cream
salt and pepper, to taste
INSTRUCTIONS
Heat butter in a large, heavy-bottom pot or Dutch oven. Once melted, add your onions and leeks and cook, stirring regularly, for about 5 minutes, or until leeks and onions are soft. Add curry and stir to coat your alliums.
Add potatoes, water, and broth. Bring to a boil, and then reduce heat and simmer for about 30 minutes until the potatoes are falling apart. You can stir here and there to ensure the bottom doesn’t scorch and to help your potatoes fall apart.
Once your soup is cooked, use an immersion blender until your ingredients break down into one, cohesive, creamy texture. (If you don’t have an immersion blender, you can pour your soup into a blender and blitz until smooth before returning to your pot.)
Add your cream, plus your salt and pepper to taste, and mix well. If you need to, you can slowly reheat your soup until warm enough to serve. I love it with a drizzle of olive oil and a warm buttered baguette.