It's my party and I'll get weirdly nostalgic if I want to
Or, life lessons from a 32-year-old who still has no idea what she's doing.
Welcome to can’t relate, a newsletter from me, Maria Del Russo, that I write biweekly on Fridays. If you were sent this newsletter by a friend (such an excellent friend) or clicked through this link via my social channels, then you can also subscribe by clicking below.
xx MDR
I turned 32 earlier this week and have been celebrating with pasta, wine, beer, wings, cookies, a massage, a facial, and people who make me laugh. I have a tendency towards introspection around this time of year, and I love to take a little inventory of where I’m at whenever my birthday rolls around. So in lieu of a typical newsletter, here are some lessons I’ve managed to pick up as “grown up” — whatever that means.
The real “dream job” is the one that you can do with contentment, but that gives you the space and resources to explore your passions on your own time.
Most personal projects take a lot longer than you expect them to. Don’t hold yourself to some arbitrary timeline that nobody but you cares about.
How to make fresh flowers last for a week: Snip the stems on a diagonal and place them in plain water — no vodka or bleach or anything. Every second day, give the stems a trim, dump the vase, and refill it with fresh water.
How to make hydrangeas last for more than five hours: Do the same diagonal snip as you would with other flowers, but then also snip up the center of the stem, so it splits about an inch up. Repeat the same steps for water above.
Check in with the people you love. Relationships need tending to, but luckily, it’s the smallest bit of effort that makes the difference.
If you can’t get into reading a book after 100 pages, you have permission to abandon it and move on to the next one.
A long walk on a chilly morning is the best way to start your day.
There is absolutely no way to get someone to like you, be it romantically or otherwise. There isn’t a secret set of tricks you can pull to make someone fall in love with you. You can’t gamify your relationships, no matter what the teen magazines of your youth told you.
Don’t fall for people’s potential. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in a fantasy about who a person can be. But on the whole, folks tend to be explicit about who they are, whether through their words or their actions. Believe them.
After 30, vitamin C serum, retinol, and SPF 50 are nonnegotiable. Don’t forget to apply that shit to your chest, too.
Diamond Crystal is the best salt to cook with, but only if you are properly salting your food. Repeat after me: I will taste as I go.
There are no set timelines. People settle down at different times, or not at all. People have families at different times, or not at all. Don’t live your life by someone else’s example. Trust the timing of your own life.
If you’re having a bad day, the best thing to do is accept that today is just going to be shit. Put on something soft, treat yourself to your favorite foods, and binge watch your favorite show. You’ll feel better in the morning.
It’s admirable to admit when you’ve been wrong or when you’ve hurt someone, even if you didn’t intend to. Acknowledging your mistakes and growing from them isn’t weakness, it’s actually a great strength.
Stop trying to pour from an empty cup. The best way to take care of others is to take care of yourself first.
Whenever you feel your thoughts spinning out of control, stop, take a breath, and ask yourself: What evidence do I have that these thoughts are true? Nine times out of 10, the answer will be that you have no evidence. So shut the fuck up!
Similarly, things are typically never as awful as they appear to be in your mind. And even if they are, worrying about them won’t do anything but freak you out and exhaust you.
There is a huge difference between needing and wanting, and discovering that difference is the key to a lot of your happiness.
Keep a bottle of Advil and a big glass of water on your nightstand. There’s nothing better than waking up with a headache, a sore back, or a hangover after a single glass of wine and not having to amble to your medicine cabinet for relief.
You don’t need to have a trillion recipes in your back pocket to be a “good” cook. A handful of simple meals that taste good and that you feel confident making is good enough.
Don’t fuck with your eyebrows. Leave them alone. I’m telling you, it’s not worth it. Put down the tweezers.
If you like someone, tell them. Seriously. Playing it cool is for Fonzie. (See number 8.)
If you tend look around and think that everyone has their shit together except for you, I’m going to let you in on a little secret: Nobody has their shit together. Most humans are insecure. Most humans question themselves. Most humans have days where they feel like they can’t do anything right. Show yourself grace.
Cutting your hair is no substitute for therapy, especially if we’re talking bangs.
What you have control over begins and ends with you. It’s not your job to make sure everyone is happy, comfortable, and well-fed at all times. Take yourself into consideration.
Spend time alone. Go on trips alone. Sit on your couch on a Friday night in your pajamas alone. Go on long walks alone with nothing but your thoughts and a coffee. Become comfortable with being on your own, and treasure the stillness that solitude affords you. One day, you’ll no longer be alone, and I can guarantee that you’ll crave the feeling of being a party of one at least once. I’ve been on both sides of this equation, and I’ve realized that while sharing a life with people is a gorgeous experience, there’s something special in the bits where you’re alone. Be comfortable in your own arms. It’s the place you can always return to when the world gets scary. Savor it.
PS: Thank you to everyone who filled out my survey from my last newsletter! I’ll be contacting winners on Monday.
xx MDR
yes yes yes!
Absolutely loved these. Thank you for sharing❤️